Beach Blanket Bingo

More on the beach front:

I always thought my best asset was my flat belly. I am short, with kind of chubby stubby legs, big butt, and small breasts. I felt OK at the beach in a bikini because I had great abs and it was probably the only place I could show my good side - I thought.

Then came three kids, and a classical c-section I wasn’t expecting. My scar is up and down, from my pubic line to up past my belly button. No hidden scar in the bikini line. It definitely put a crack in my self-esteem and fragile body image.

Here is what I have found: acceptance of the things I cannot change and change the things I can. The scar does not prevent me from getting back in shape and maintaining.

Scars do have a story, though I don’t want to share it with everyone proudly in my bikini at this point as some would say you should do. I am proud though. It is a reminder of what I can endure, an ability to heal.

I do suffer the one-piece and sometimes feel I look like a granny.

old timey bathing suit contest from god only knows when

My current beach cover-everything-up is a dress I found at H&M some time ago. I bought it as my children were pulling on me and hiding in clothing racks, so I didn't try-before-buy. It is TOTALLY see through. I thought it was a sun dress, though I can't imagine what you would wear under it. A slip?

So - too late to return, time to repurpose as beach cover up.

I mean, it is really sheer...maybe it is a slip?

So back to the one piece bathing suits. I agree that it is really hard to find one that looks good and doesn’t make me feel like I have seal skin. My solution of late to take care of one-piece-blues? I add an SPF surf shirt and spend time actually surfing (well, boogie boarding, but doing it really well!).

Surf shirt bought at some cheapy beach chair store

One beautifully liberating thing that seems to be happening more often as I approach 40 is that I am a whole lot less self-conscious.

In my teenage years I grew up about 10 minutes from the ocean. I loved to swim and probably would have loved to spend all day learning to surf. I realize now I was too punk rock to ditch my layers of black clothes to hang on the beach and actually to body conscious and embarrassed to try surfing in front of anyone.

In my twenties I must say I was no longer too punk rock, but the body image and self-conscious feelings ruled.

Now I spend all day at the beach with my husband and children, boogie boarding in the surf with the rest of the twelve year olds and a joyful grin. I want to surf; big butt and one piece seal suit be damned, I will surf.

I would love to go back and shake myself as a younger woman and tell her you don’t know what you're missing. I am not going to miss it now.

My current bucket list to do/fantasy vacation!